


I Feel Crazy for Even Considering This

by singingwithoutwords



Series: You People Give Me Road Rage [1]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Domestic, Domestic Avengers, Gen, Slice of Life, job interview
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 10:12:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/886048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singingwithoutwords/pseuds/singingwithoutwords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The only thing standing between Seth and the money he needs is a debriefing packet, a tower full of crazy superheroes, two background checks, a secret government agency, and Pepper Potts.</p><p>It's that last one that worries him most, really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Feel Crazy for Even Considering This

_Employee will submit to random background checks without prior notice or express consent._

_Employee will not make use of any objects or information found within Stark Tower for purposes of personal gain or world domination._

_Employee will undergo a six(6) week trial period before being granted access to clean restricted areas of Stark Tower._

_Employee will accept full responsibility for all injuries or loss of property caused directly or indirectly by employee's own actions or words._

_Employee will be on call for any and all emergencies regardless of date or time, and will be reimbursed for any losses incured during said emergencies._

_Employee will-_

Seth leaned back, rubbing the bridge of his nose.  He felt a huge headache coming on, and the 57 pages of small print in his lap wasn't helping it at all.

"Is this really necessary?" he asked a bit plaintively, glancing up at the coordinator in charge of all contracts with Stark Industries.

"You would not believe how necessary," she answered.  "Trust me.  Everyone else just leafed through it, and now none of them are allowed back in the Tower."

Seth sighed again and went back to reading.  The words 'employee will' were going to haunt his nightmares for months.  "So what isn't this doomsday pamphlet telling me?  No way in hell is there not a good reason no one can hold a job that pays five grand a month for eight days' work."

She smiled at him, patting his knee.  "You're a smart kid, Seth.  You'll figure it out.  And I signed the same confidentiality agreement you're going to, so you understand I can't say."

Seth nodded, flipping the page and finding a dress code.

_Regardless of what Mr. Stark (et al) may request, employee is not to wear anything even remotely resembling a "sexy French maid" outfit._

What the hell was he getting himself into?

* * *

It took a week for the initial background checks to clear.  Seth received calls from relatives he'd forgotten he had.  His mother was convinced he was turning into a terrorist and called him every night pleading for him to cut his hair and move back home.  It got tedious fast, but he endured.

Next came the vetting interview with SHIELD, which required another - mercifully only 10-page - debriefing packet.  Seth was unimpressed by the agent interviewing him; the guy had no idea how much practice he had ignoring threatening glares.  The trick questions weren't exactly subtle, either, and his attempts to get Seth to contradict himself were pretty damn laughable.

The confirmation interview at SHIELD was with a different agent, a strong-willed woman named Hill who at least asked him things he had to think about for more than five seconds.

Then came another round of checks, more paranoid phone calls from Mom, a rigorous health screening, and finally his interview with Ms. Potts.

* * *

"Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. Lautner," Pepper Potts said, not looking up from the landslide of paper strewn across her desk.  "Please, have a seat."

Seth sat in one of the empty chairs across from her.  It was surprisingly comfortable; he was used to people trying to intimidate him when he went to a job interview.

Potts signed a few more packets and set them aside, then capped her pen and cleared her throat.  "So.  I assume you read the debrief packet?"

"Which one?" Seth asked, smiling slightly when she laughed.  "Yes, ma'am, I did."

"And you have a sense of humor," she noted, shuffling papers around.  "You just might survive it if you get this job.  Was there anything in it that you have questions about?"

Seth shook his head.  "It was... thorough.  I'm pretty sure I understood everything."

"Okay, then.  Do you have a lot of experience with cleaning?"

"My first job was for a janitorial company when I was 16," Seth explained.  "Once I picked up momentum there, I didn't see any reason to switch professions."

She nodded, digging her pen out form where it had rolled behind a stack of folders and scribbling a note on something.  "Makes sense to me," she agreed.  "Is there anything specific that made you want to take the Tower job?"

"The money," Seth said honestly.  "My personal expenses exceed my income right now; I'd like to fix that."

"Candor is a rare trait these days," she noted, tucking the pen behind her ear.  "Don't let go of that.  What would you do if an employer slapped your ass while you were working?"

Seth considered that, while considering why the hell she'd ask that.  She didn't seem like the molesting type, and he was pretty sure she was involved with Mr. Stark, anyway.  "Depends on their personality, I guess.  Some people are just physically affectionate to the point of harassment, and some are creeps.  If that's just how they show familiarity, I'd probably have a talk with them."

"And if they're just a creep?"

"Punch their lights out."

She laughed again, rifling through papers.  "Where is that stupid-"

"Your pen's behind your ear."

She reached up, touching the pen, and smiled sheepishly.  "Thank you.  I don't suppose you know what I did with the Fujikawa file?  I swear I just had it."

"The third folder down in the stack on your right had Asian characters on it."

She pulled out the third folder down and flipped it open, nodding.  "That's it.  Thank you, Mr. Lautner.  I don't know where my brain is today."

Seth smiled, relaxing back in the chair.  She was probably testing him.  Anyone whose desk was that disorganized should have an equally messy office, but everything beyond the edge of the desk was spotless and completely free of clutter.  The whole set-up had probably been to test how well he paid attention.  Give her credit, she was good.

"Well, I think I'm done in here- would you like to continue this interview while we walk?"  She stood with a smile, immediately sinking back into her seat when the door opened, spilling three men into the office.

"Pepper," the one Seth could immediately identify as Mr. Stark whined, pulling off his tie.  "Tell Cap to stop riding my ass, will you?  You're supposed to hire me maids for a reason.  I'm Tony Stark, I do _not_ wash my own dishes."

"I'm not... 'riding your ass', Tony," the second man said, sighing.  "I'm just tired of only having clean dishes twice a week."

"Then I'll buy you new dishes," Mr. Stark said, tossing his tie on the desk.  "See, Pep?  He's riding my ass like he owns it, and we're not even dating.  Why does he have to live with me?"

"It was your idea," Potts pointed out.  "And I'm not your nanny.  Couldn't you keep them out, Happy?"

"Hey, I'm just the driver," Happy protested.  "I don't tell the big guys what to do."

Seth recognized an argument when he heard one brewing.  He set Mr. Stark's tie, neatly folded and coiled, on the corner of the desk away from the worst of the paper, and stood.  "If it's all right, Ms. Potts, I'll step outside so you can deal with the kids."

There was a moment of silence, then- "Pepper, did I just get told off by an intern?"

"No.  You got told off by someone who's currently interviewing ot be your maid," she answered.  "Go home, Tony.  Upgrade Dummy's servos again.  Write Jarvis a new program to run in his spare time.  Just get out of my office."

Mr. Stark looked Seth up and down, then threw his hands in the air.  "Fine.  I'm gonna go write Jarvis the most brilliant program in the history of programming, and I'm going to do it with one hand.  And none of you will ever know what it does.  Where's my-"

Seth picked up his tie and held it out wordlessly.

"I like this one," Mr. Stark said.  "Hire him.  And up the salary by 50%.  Whatever we planned on paying him isn't enough for dealing with us assholes.  C'mon, Cap; we can stop for sushi on the way home."

"I'm not done talking to you about the dishes," Cap protested as Happy herded them both out the door.

"Please tell me I won't have much contact with Mr. Stark if I take this job,"

Potts smiled.  "Not until you get lab clearance.  And even then, probably not much.  He spends most of his time working these days, and you won't be allowed to clean the lab while he's using it."

Seth nodded, lacing his fingers behind his back.  "Was he serious about that salary increase?"

"Mr. Stark is always serious about giving more money to people he likes."

Well, $5000 was one thing, but nobody turned down $7500 a month for part-time work.

"When do I start?"

**Author's Note:**

> Turns out I like Seth more than I thought I would. He's always in the back of my mind cleaning shit, so I decided to give him his own series. Only seemed fair.


End file.
